My horoscope said it was supposed to be good these few days. Why? Why did my valentine say no to me? Am I OK? It would be a lie to say "I'm fine," but I'm doing my best to suppress my feelings right now. Hopefully, I at least look "fine" so I don't affect my friends much. I REALLY wanted to be emo - the split moment she said that "lets just continue to be friends." What I literally did was grab my bottle of Brisk Iced tea and dunked it down my stomach. I swear that if it had been alcohol, it would've gone down anyway.
Right now, I want to go through an emotional breakdown - but I can't. My great-grandma is still in the hospital, my Linear Algebra midterm is coming up in 2 days, I barely concentrated in class, I spend more than $100 on her and most of all, I got rejected. Not that I'm mad at me spending so much, but that all those things i bought had failed its general purpose. Yes, they made her happy, but I lost her heart. I'm not complaining about the money, but the time, creativity and effort wasted. Yes, I truly feel like an idiot now. I was hurt similarly once before, but I made an even bigger/better risk yesterday and was hurt once again.
Furthermore, I just made an order for her birthday cake yesterday. I realized how much I value other people's birthday and mine barely gets recognized. I feel as if others don't appreciate my presence sometimes (the vast majority, at least). And I feel stupid now too..I still tried to make her happy despite the rejection from her.
I'm glad she replied in such a professional mature though. It was a passive text message that employed its meaning right - otherwise, I would've felt even more down. At least her decision sounded sincere - I wouldn't want a relationship that was a game. Nevertheless, I still want to tear, but I can't. Boys are strong, they can't cry - I just have to suck it up and deal with the mistake I made. I probably won't ask another girl out for a long time - not until I at least feel more secure after this incident today. At least she doesn't know my pains - it would only hurt her more if she does, so I replied back "Thank You and Good Luck on Tomorrow's Test." How stupid of me...
But I swear - if i don't get a good grade on my upcoming midterm, I won't forgive myself.
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