Just another day ~ Halloween

So today is Halloween. I should be happy, right? Children getting candy, everyone reuniting. Yet i feel more lonely than ever. I still have my friends, and that's true, but i still feel very empty inside. I honestly don't know why. My heart feels like it's...aching for something, yearning for an event to come. I don't know. I do feel tired, but I haven't done anything strenuous yet. It's weird. That more i think about Halloween, the more sad and lonely i get. Drama and friends help. Most definitely, they keep my company, but i feel as if they're not enough. I feel as if i shouldn't let life pass by just like this. I feel like I should take action. Nevertheless, i should eat some candy.




I may be wasting my holidays in my house, but i wish you all a Happy Halloween!!!

A New Face I Haven't Seen for a Long Time

So today began like a typical Saturday. Tennis was pushed to tomorrow b/c my best pal (now in stony) is coming back for the weekend to play tennis with us (me and my other friends) on Sunday. YAY ME!!! I got to sleep for more than 10 hours. Hearing that coming from a poly freshman is a rare phrase. So...i went to buy takeout for lunch (b/c our family was lazy to cook) and then my family argued over stupid ways to save money. So then i found my excuse and went to my project partner's dorm at NYU Poly to finish the Lego NXT Project. Surprisingly, i actually finished it! I only need the programming left. Also, i met Annie for the first time ever since i graduated!!! It felt so awesome!!! Well, i had to pay her since i "employed her" to create a logo for the new online non-for-profit company i made online: New Generation - New York. It's purpose is to have teens and college students aid the community repair itself and return NYC to its former glory. It sounds like an impossible task, but hey, Beta and National Honors Society was formed this way too: Students-to-Students.

Anyhow, meeting Annie was a blast. I nearly blushed when i thought about her on the train. It was like...meeting someone you haven't seen for so long! Not that i like her (although i do find her personality kinda cute), but that feeling would probably apply to any girl i know after not seeing them for so long. And, as usual, she bragged about her style. Again, she one of those people where you know she's from HK at a glance. Nevertheless, it was an awesome memory today.


(^-^)v

An interesting, new conversation

So today i went to NYU poly again. It was a casual day. I played tennis in the morning with my friends at Leif Ericsson Park and went straight to poly afterwards to work on my semester-long project. Music is such an awesome friend. Even during the loneliest times, hearing music can be a sanctuary. So when i approached my partner's dorm today, he surprisingly didn't pick up, but I waited in the dorm lobby to meet up with him. Shockingly, the security guard there as me, "What's up, boss?" I was instantly shocked. Boss? Well, it turned out that he happened to call everyone that (probably because our tuition money = his paycheck). Nevertheless, i was surprised that Joe (the security guard) initiated a conversation with me. Ever since September 11th, NY has changed so much, so this was quite a shock. So while we waited we chatted a bit. This was probably one of the most unique conversations of all time.


When i told him that i was going to work on my semester-long project, he immediately understood what i meant. He himself was a college student and had only graduated 5 years ago. Not bad, but then he later explained that it was interesting to once again be in college environment. It gave him the chance to understand the shift in teenage culture while offering him a paycheck. Not bad! Joe then told me how his college was so tough back then (which made me wonder which it was). He then said his dorm-mate loved to cook and that guy's father was a famous master chef in Japan who knew how to cut blow-fish. He then explained to me about how his dorm-mate ordered a blow-fish just to cook it. So I eventually continued the conversation and he finally told me the college he went to - Columbia University. SERIOUSLY?!?!?! Columbia? Security guard? He said he was a psychologist and has a degree in psychology at Columbia from the medical fields. Knowing how famous Columbia's medical program is, i was even more shocked at his position. Still, he became a hospital assistant for psychological services and took a part-time job at NYU-poly due to financial issues.


Even tonight, i'm still shocked about a psychologist working at such low-level jobs. He is a nice person
but somewhat lonely. In fact he is sometimes so lonely that he would help counsel some students in need at poly during his lunch break. Then he told me something about psychology. It is also the best quote I've heard so far this month "The door to success in counseling is not to just to understand the problem, but more importantly to understand how they VIEW the problem." He said it was crucial for a counselor to understand the root of the problem to know why the problem started in the first place. It was a really nice conversation.


So...later on when me and my other partners worked on the project, we did some work while discussing about girls. One of the buddies even discussed how the NYU girls were like at their frat parties at night during clubbing hours. It was an interesting conversation, but i'm not going into the details. NYU seems much more fun than i thought, but i sometimes wonder how those students handle the stress while still having fun. Nevertheless, that quote really made my day.




(^-^)v

Special day~?

So today is a special day to me. Her birthday is today, October 22nd. She's finally 18! I'm proud of her. To give a short introduction about her, she's from china and came over to the US at the age of 11. It's quite an amazing feat how well she adapted within society in just seven years. I really admire her for that. So, getting back on track, today was her birthday. I feel glad for her because, well, you know, Friday is the day to look for when you're a student. It's the day when the work is finally over and when you breathe a huge sigh of relief. 

Unfortunately, I can't say i'm 100% happy either. Despite her birthday being on a Friday, she still seemed stressed - she still has work at the Brooklyn Public Library. She asked whether or not she should take a day off. My obvious answer would have been a yes, but that seemed rather selfish. Why? Because I could tell that she had a goal in life: to have a place in society. Despite being an ABC, I was once bullied around in Dyker and wished i held a place in society. I can definitely relate my pain and feelings for her right now. Obviously, I didn't say no, but the she were to work, it would only ruin her special, precious day. She is 18. It is a special year where many responsibilities come to play and definitely cannot be wasted because of one mean boss. Unfortunately i don't know whether or not she had gone to work or not, but I shall abide by her decisions.


Now, i didn't ask her out yet. I really do like her, but we barely just met. Giving her a gift too expensive might scare her while giving a gift too light would be punishing to myself. Someone as beautiful, as remarkable, and as admirable as her definitely deserves a great gift, right? So, at the moment, i'm just hoping for closer friendship before i plan make my move. Honestly, we're just a bit better than acquaintances, but progress is being made. ^^


Although i still wonder. Should I ask her out to begin with? Romance and love does indeed have its good sides: it sparks innovation, creativity, support, and of course, love. However, at the same time, it only drags us behind our goals. She wants to improve life in America while I want to similarly be successful. If I do become in a relationship with her, I'm pretty sure we'll both be in pain to a certain degree, worrying and caring about each other. Currently, whenever she feels sad or depressed, I feel the same. Every time she smiles, my heart brightens one-hundred fold. My emotions are INTERTWINED with hers. I guess you can say it's cute, but i'm still curious. What does the future hold for us if we're together? I guess time will tell.


Speaking of which, she recently posted that she had a birthday party! At least that sounds happy! (^.^)v